Begin Again

I think its always a good time to begin again. Sometimes people are a verse gone wild on paper, drifting off and coming around in circles, over and over again. Sometimes, it’s important to punctuate and to begin again. Its important to read the draft that you are. Its important to believe that you are a work in progress and no matter how badly shaped you may seem at this point, there is always time to begin again.

I have been running away from hard hitting reality for as long as i can remember. It started many summers ago when my mother was diagnosed for the first time. I would go away to my friend’s house for days at a stretch and pretend like the dysfunctional life that was waiting for me at my parents’ house was not my life to live. I did manage to shut it out for many years. I would sleep early. Wake up early. Be in the house as little as possible. Make as little conversation as possible. Use books as an excuse to not talk to people. It worked. It worked for as long as it could have and then it stopped working. In hindsight I realise that could have been a good time to hit pause and begin again. But I did not. I ran away, instead. And I think I have been running since. From any sort of discomfort, from pain, from hurt, from people who I might end up getting attached to, from love, from reality and above all from myself. I cant remember when was the last time I was myself. I am not sure if I ever remember who I am anymore.

 

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3 thoughts on “Begin Again

  1. Thinking that and saying that takes you a long way to rediscovering yourself. “Those who lose themselves shall find themselves” is a Christian quote but I think it has wide application.

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