Whatever must be…

Its beyond me that we grow up hearing from people and seeing all around us how we must value ourselves and love ourselves. What is even more inexplicable is how easily we forget that and completely immerse ourselves in finding definitions around people and situations. In a profound conversation with a certain someone from 4 years ago I found the meaning of all relationships, romantic or otherwise.

A:   more random unnecessary information suspended for some time
me:   why does silence need to be uncomfortable?
I mean, silence is a good thing no.
A:   depends on the people you are silent with.
me:   only people who truly know and understand eachother can be comfortably silent around each other
A:   i used to like to listen to you breath on the other end of the phone
*breathe
me:   I am still breathing, you know
A: i cant hear it

We continue to exist. We continue to exist, independent of people or situations or circumstances. But when we are in the thick of these situations with these people, we refuse to look at the bigger picture. And then one day, even as we continue to breathe, the other person can not hear it anymore. Then we can take charge and try to find our own lost sense of self or find other people to be around and define ourselves for them, according to them…

This is a mindless, mid-night rant…one of the many that have been happening too often these days. Over Skype conversations with lovers and friends, in between the pages of random notes, under blankets and in the head. some nights it feels like they will consume me. some nights it feels like they will help me get away from things.

 

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