Whatever must be…

Its beyond me that we grow up hearing from people and seeing all around us how we must value ourselves and love ourselves. What is even more inexplicable is how easily we forget that and completely immerse ourselves in finding definitions around people and situations. In a profound conversation with a certain someone from 4 years ago I found the meaning of all relationships, romantic or otherwise.

A:   more random unnecessary information suspended for some time
me:   why does silence need to be uncomfortable?
I mean, silence is a good thing no.
A:   depends on the people you are silent with.
me:   only people who truly know and understand eachother can be comfortably silent around each other
A:   i used to like to listen to you breath on the other end of the phone
*breathe
me:   I am still breathing, you know
A: i cant hear it

We continue to exist. We continue to exist, independent of people or situations or circumstances. But when we are in the thick of these situations with these people, we refuse to look at the bigger picture. And then one day, even as we continue to breathe, the other person can not hear it anymore. Then we can take charge and try to find our own lost sense of self or find other people to be around and define ourselves for them, according to them…

This is a mindless, mid-night rant…one of the many that have been happening too often these days. Over Skype conversations with lovers and friends, in between the pages of random notes, under blankets and in the head. some nights it feels like they will consume me. some nights it feels like they will help me get away from things.

 

Begin Again

I think its always a good time to begin again. Sometimes people are a verse gone wild on paper, drifting off and coming around in circles, over and over again. Sometimes, it’s important to punctuate and to begin again. Its important to read the draft that you are. Its important to believe that you are a work in progress and no matter how badly shaped you may seem at this point, there is always time to begin again.

I have been running away from hard hitting reality for as long as i can remember. It started many summers ago when my mother was diagnosed for the first time. I would go away to my friend’s house for days at a stretch and pretend like the dysfunctional life that was waiting for me at my parents’ house was not my life to live. I did manage to shut it out for many years. I would sleep early. Wake up early. Be in the house as little as possible. Make as little conversation as possible. Use books as an excuse to not talk to people. It worked. It worked for as long as it could have and then it stopped working. In hindsight I realise that could have been a good time to hit pause and begin again. But I did not. I ran away, instead. And I think I have been running since. From any sort of discomfort, from pain, from hurt, from people who I might end up getting attached to, from love, from reality and above all from myself. I cant remember when was the last time I was myself. I am not sure if I ever remember who I am anymore.

 

For those of you who did not follow our blog back when this was posted.

The Poetically Incorrect.

What of Destiny?

Were you not planning to offer me your seat on the train I missed helping the old man with directions?
And I was sure we’d meet at the Seven Sisters concert that I bunked to stay cooped up in my room filled with the scent of someone who hasnt been here..all alone but for Sinatra to take me all the way to Paaradise.
Didn’t we cross eachother on the subway just yesterday? But you were with your brigade of friends and I was in the middle of a bad, bad hair day.
Or the week before when you were too preoccupied passionately discussing politics for tea in the cafeteria and me, wrinkling my nose up another sneeze.
I’d bet you frequent that chicken corner we dont eat at. My roommate is Vegan.
When it rained and I wouldn’t dare walk out sans an umbrella. You were waiting…

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CATE 2012- What to and What not to Believe.

On a sultry Wednesday morning some 22 days ago when most of us were busy adjusting temperatures on our Air Conditioners and planning summer vacations with family, one Pritika Ghura decided to sweat it out and sat down to key in false information about Delhi University’s Common Aptitude Test in English 2012 (CATE, as it shall be abbreviated here on) or so a chafed acquaintance declared to the whole wide world on Facebook via an impassioned status message.
The Article posted on LearnHub, that caused much anxiety among aspiring candidates caught my attention while surfing Google for various college admission details. Now LearnHub happens to be a big player in the online career counselling/consultancy market. The chances of it then displaying false information with such great detail were slim. One look at the Author’s Profile and the chances matched Kareena Kapoor’s size : ZERO!
Another catch is, The article appears to have been posted 22 days ago which would be the 2nd of May. BUT, It carries information about sale of CATE application forms which it says begun on 20th of May. HOW? A prediction perhaps? A prophecy?
Jokes aside,  It really got me thinkin, “what is this article all about? And why is it here?”


The only plausible explanation I could come up with is that the article was posted in the year 2010 and the computer data base just re-uploaded it this year or shows the wrong year of publication. Now, I am no computer geek (not even close) which means I have no idea if such an error is possible but something I did work out is
The inaugural CATE was held in 2009. If we go by the article, May 20th is a Thursday. But May 20th was a Sunday this year, a Friday in 2011 AND a THURSDAY in 2010.
Another Google search and A The Times Of India article confirmed my suspicions. The availability of CATE forms in the year 2010 was, indeed, from the 20th of May to the 31st of May which coincides with the information available in the aforementioned article.
The conclusion I finally arrived at is, if humans are bound to err then the internet and all the information on it is nothing but human creation. The article contains correct information.. but for the year of 2010.

So where is the correct information for this year, you ask? On the Delhi University’s official website, of course! Years of looking up and filling college application forms has taught me that for correct information you should trust no one but the official website of the institute, university or college. And with a University as sought after and renowned as The Delhi University you can be sure of timely updates and announcements.

Without any more delay, let me have you know that the Sale of CATE 2012 Application forms begins on 25th May, which is a Friday and will go on till the 4th of June, Monday which is also the last date for receipt of completed application forms. You can purchase the forms from any of the 21 Participating College(link mentioned at the end of this post) between 10am-1pm and 2pm-4pm for Day Colleges and 4pm-7pm for Evening Colleges on days between 25th May and 4th June (excluding Saturdays and Sundays)

To obtain the application form, You will need to sumbit a Demand Draft (DD) of Rs. 350 in favor of The Registrar, University of Delhi
Drawn on any one of the following banks:
State Bank of India
Punjab National Bank
ICICI Bank
HDFC Bank

The Date of Test is Saturday, 9th June 2012 (11am-1pm)

The Date for Declaration of CATE Merit lists(on University Website) is Latest by 25th June 2012.


Eligibility Criteria for 
DU CATE 2012

  • For general category, the eligibility criteria is 45% marks in 4 main subjects in Std XII.
  • For OBC category, the eligibility criteria is 40.5% and for physically challenged students it is 40%. The SC/ST students must have passed class XII to be eligible for the exam.

How to prepare yourself for CATE 2012? 

Another thing you should not believe about CATE is that there is/are a particular book/s to prepare you for the exam. As is clear from the name, It is an aptitude exam. The very word implies that this exam is in place to test your aptitude for taking an Under graduate course in English. Mugging up a fixed set of questions is not going to help for the simple reason that there is no fixed set of questions from which questions shall be asked in the CATE. But that does not mean you have to turn up clueless for the exam. Let me run you through a basic pattern of the paper and what you can do in this short span of time to do well in the exam:

CATE is a 2 hour examination. The paper will consist of 2 section. Part ‘A’ will comprise Multiple Choice Questions (or MCQs) and Part ‘B’ subjective or descriptive answer type questions(comprehension and essay/creative pieces). Both sections are to be attempted in the same sitting and in a specified time span of 2 hours.

Now there is one little detail you should be aware of. Although there is no Screening or Elimination round for this exam as such, the Part ‘A’ of the paper will act as screen for your qualifications. How?
While all candidates will attempt both parts of the paper, only the scripts of those students who qualify in Part ‘A’, as per standards laid down by the university, will have their scripts for Part ‘B’ evaluated.
In simple comprehend-able English it means if you secure certain qualifying marks in the Objective Part ‘A’ only then will your Part ‘B’ script be evaluated. That translates- it is imperative you do well in Part ‘A’ to pass the exam.
Moving over to how you can best paper yourself for the exam..
I think, and this is my personal opinion entirely, that in the 10-15 days one has before the test date no ground breaking improvement in ones overall prospects to qualify the examination can be made. Nonetheless, you can start by picking up a habit for reading books (which trust me, will prove to be a very useful habit in the future if you plan to take English Literature seriously). You must start following at least 1 daily newspaper and acquaint yourself with the current style of writing and presentation. One, albeit unrelated but very wise decision would be to start substituting sms lingo in your daily conversations- online and on text message- with properly spelled, complete words. It barely takes a few more seconds to type the entire word but puts you at ease in writing better creative pieces in exams like the CATE where proper grammar is of paramount importance.

Furthermore, you could find out about popular literature online such as Famous Authors and Poets and their works. Some knowledge about 19th and 20th century literature could come in handy as well. Although there are no sample papers or previous year question papers issued by the university, a friend who wrote the exam last year shared that the objective section consisted primarily of Popular Literature and related items.
In all, a good base and firm understanding of the English Language and some knowledge in Popular English literature could sail your boat. Like I said, aptitude matters.


List of participating colleges and other details are available on http://www.du.ac.in/

If you have any trouble finding the correct details on the university website just click on or copy paste the following link in your web browser address bar and you’ll find a PDF file containing all the necessary information. The link to copy paste is:

http://www.du.ac.in/fileadmin/DU/students/Pdf/admissions/2012/UG/23512_CATE_INFORMATION_BOOKLET.pdf
I hope that answers some of your questions. If you have any further queries feel free to leave a comment or email me at akankshasingh13@gmail.com and I’ll try to get back to you as soon as possible.
All the best for your future plans. I do hope you clear the CATE with flying colors and any other exam you want to clear, including the exam called life 😀
Enjoy.
Carpe Diem.

PS: For my blogger friends outside India, I know this post had no significance for you. Sorry about that. But I have a lot of posts lined up for the weekend. Here is saying Hello to you 🙂 hope you’re doing fine.
Take care.

A few words to share

If you’re still reading my post on this blog you must have it figured that I am one lazy kid with the attention span of a 2 year old. The fact that I managed to dish out all of 6 posts in the month of April is a testimony to the same. Another testimony is this post where I’ll just compile all the good things I’ve read in a while. That said, I hope you enjoy this the same as my other posts and as much as I enjoyed reading them.

1.
This is something my friend Purvi shared on my most favorite places in the world, Blurts.

You want the truth?
Well, here it is.
Eventually, you forget it all.
First, you forget everything you learned – the dates of wars and Pythagorean theorem. You especially forget everything you didn’t really learn, but just memorized the night before.
You forget the names of all but one or two of your favorite teachers; and eventually you forget those, too.
You forget your junior year class schedule and where you used to sit, and your best friend’s home phone number and the lyrics to that song you must have played a million times.
And eventually, but slowly, you forget your humiliations – even the ones that seemed indelible just fade away.
You forget who was cool and who was not, who was pretty, smart, athletic, and not.
Who went to a good college, who threw the best parties, who had the most friends – you forget all of them.
Even the ones you said you loved, and the ones you actually did.
They’re the last to go.
And once you’ve forgotten enough, you love someone else

– ‎Gabrielle Zevin, Memoirs of a Teenage Amnesiac

2.
Another wonderful share from Purvi.

“I’m not always as confident as I seem. (And neither as foolish as you assume.).
There are many nights and many days when all I want is to be held.
I love being held. Always.
Sometimes I don’t want to talk about what is bothering me.
Sometimes I just want a hug.
Someone who will let me cry.
I like when boys cry in front of me – when people aren’t afraid to show what they’re really feeling.
I don’t like when people run from their true feelings because it doesn’t do anyone any good.
I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I am not naive. (It is for love that I close my eyes.)
I know what it feels like to be completely broken and I am all too familiar with what it means to be hurt.
I know what it’s like to see something funny and not laugh.
I’ve been taken advantage of, used, and abused.
My feelings have been blatantly disregarded.
But I still believe that all people are good at heart.
And my trust in people has not diminished.
To be completely honest, I hope it never does. Ever.”

 

 

3. Some Chuck Palahniuk quotes I read on my Quotes App.

“You know, the condom is the glass slipper of our generation. You slip it on when you meet a stranger. You dance all night, then you throw it away. The condom, I mean. Not the stranger.”

“I’ve met God across his long walnut desk with his diplomas hanging on the wall behind him, and God asks me, “Why?” Why did I cause so much pain? Didn’t I realize that each of us is a sacred, unique snowflake of special unique specialness? Can’t I see how we’re all manifestations of love? I look at God behind his desk, taking notes on a pad, but God’s got this all wrong. We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens. And God says, “No, that’s not right.” Yeah. Well. Whatever. You can’t teach God anything.”

“If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character…Would you slow down? Or speed up?”

That’s it for now.
Signing off,
Ms. LazyGalaxy 😀

Bleeding

Twelve and here we are again.

You curl and put yourself to sleep.
Someone lays on your side
With salty tears to hide
testimony of the vows you did not keep.

With a stone, they say a woman’s
bestfriend is,
you asked for her hand and
sealed it with a kiss.

Fragrant flowers have faded
in to patched walls since.
The fabric of us dissolved
in an emotional rinse.

And you’ll get up again, the morning next
Only to put on your mask
Here you are, Gullible and meek.

You have pierced
your words right through.
I will just sit here
And bleed.

How are you today?

I got an e-mail this morning from an old friend. We went to school together but since then we’ve both gone our own seperate ways in life which do not have a common focal point at all. I wont lie and say that I have made any special effort to stay in touch with him. I have not. Neither has he. And I will not use my busy schedule as an excuse for the same. It is just that with time priorities change. Mine have, so have his.
But this one e-mail made me stop and think.
It was just intended to ask me How I was doing and if everything was fine. For some unexplained reason, it felt so good to know that he took some time off to ask me how I was. We’re all so held up in our own lives all the time that we forget to just stop and genuinely ask people How they’re doing and care about it. All human relationships have become a means to reach some end. Where is the time when friendship used to be selfless and pure?

So, This post does not contain any fancy philosophy or sad poetry.
Just a question from me to you that I realised I should ask more often…

How are you doing today?

Though its a bit late for this but I hope you had a nice, relaxing weekend and the week started on a good note for you. If it did not, dont worry. Take some time to sit back and unwind. I hope everything turns out to be just fine.
Carpe Diem.

PS: Try reaching out to an old friend today. It may just take a few minutes of your time but you wont know how good it will make the recipient feel.
If you already have, did it make a difference to your life and re-kindle your friendship?

Have you heard a woman roar today?

“It is in vain to say human beings ought to be satisfied with tranquillity: they must have action; and they will make it if they cannot find it. Millions are condemned to a stiller doom than mine, and millions are in silent revolt against their lot. Nobody knows how many rebellions besides political rebellions ferment in the masses of life which people earth. Women are supposed to be very calm generally: but women feel just as men feel; they need exercise for their faculties, and a field for their efforts, as much as their brothers do; they suffer from too rigid a restraint, to absolute a stagnation, precisely as men would suffer; and it is narrow-minded in their more privileged fellow-creatures to say that they ought to confine themselves to making puddings and knitting stockings, to playing on the piano and embroidering bags. It is thoughtless to condemn them, or laugh at them, if they seek to do more or learn more than custom has pronounced necessary for their sex.”
― Charlotte Brontë.

From Jane Eyre.

The individual.

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.

-Friedrich Nietzsche
German philosopher (1844 – 1900)

Be yourself. Even if it is tough. Be yourself.

The Things I din’t say to my best friend.

The affable strength,
It is nonchalant within.
The affinity lasting a length,
It is hypothetically fading.

The errant ways,
Never to face isolation.
The unsparing gaze,
Never will it near constriction.

The better side of you,
Not so good with me.
The best things we’d do
Together with glee.

The glibbest of conversations
Or the muffled tattles.
The take off,blow-by-blow, actions
Or the silent considerations.
The ‘zari’, ‘satin’,’polka’,
And zest filled servings.
The ‘lippie’, ‘clutch’,’kohl’,
And rogish discussions.

The trying-to-be-geeky times,
Post exam reaction.
The forced treats
Post blacklist declaration.

The planning of elopes,
Which now sound embryonic.
The sharing of silly secrets,
Which are now left unclad.

The learning of essentials
In the bargain.
The-left behind time essentials
In this sea of confusion.

The arm wrestling sessions,
Complete with distractions.
The elite backbench-er stereotypes,
Complete with the duty assignations.

The summer on a rock hill,
Oh! Those must have cuisines.
The Baskin Robbin bill,
Oh! The hole burned in thy jeans.

I remember,

All this and a lot more.

Cause we were bestys, duh! Image